She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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