mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
