I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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