i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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