glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
