Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
