I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
