so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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