in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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