if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
