Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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