ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
