I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
