We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
