Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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