Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
