if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's always time for handjobs
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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