well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just threw up on my dentist
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
