My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
