I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
