The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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