Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
