loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
