So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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