Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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