I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
