I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
