i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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