I skipped work to stalk him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
