i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
ugly people sure do ruin things
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
