Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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