I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
