What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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