Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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