totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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