The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
