Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she smelled like a LAN party
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
