don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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