in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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