did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
