Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
