Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
