It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
