My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
