Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
