I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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