He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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