The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
