I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
