I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
