Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
