i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
