Operation Purity has been aborted
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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