If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
