Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
