So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
